THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
