Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
did i walk over a car last night?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
