what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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