I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
