does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
that may or may not have been my penis.
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