Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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