What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
