I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
