it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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