CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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