Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
