Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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