: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
