I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
