I skipped work to stalk him.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
