birth control should be required to get into college
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
