The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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