in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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