I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize