Need sex. Gaining weight.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
