32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
