he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
