Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
