Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
