I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
