i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
