She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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