Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
