Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
