the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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