he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize