$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
