Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
