i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
