We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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