when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
