so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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