Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
