You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize