Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
