I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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