in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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