Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
