just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
