you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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