Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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