Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am puke
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
