I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
