the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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