I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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