Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
