she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
