i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
