we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
