quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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