i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
