So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
