the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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