Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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