i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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