But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
drinking out of a sandbucket again
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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