I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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