Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
