Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
