It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
