I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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