New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
