I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
