Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
