are you still at the devil's house?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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