I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
