you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Did I show you my penis last night?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
