If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
