we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
