I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
