i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
