one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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