dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
