I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
