He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
