I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
