Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
