glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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