yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
