So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
