so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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