So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
