This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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