I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
