I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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