My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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