Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
