K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
