At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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