new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
