I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
