I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
