I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
