I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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