Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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