Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
